Letter to Nicole Hale on the Death of Brian G

Early January, 2005:

Dear Nicole,

On Wednesday, the heavens opened up and began to cry. My tears, the tears of so many, mirror the skies.  We all cry for what is no more; we cry for a man who was so incredibly beautiful.  We also cry for those who knew Brian as you did.  These are the tears of people who know what a powerful and wonderful soul he was, and what he must have meant to his close friends. They are also the tears of those who but wish that they could have known Brian so well as you.  For you are the lucky one here; you were a part of Brian’s heart.  This is your gift Nicole.

I have thought often of you since that day when a storm passed over Prescott and over our hearts. Nicole, I cannot guess your hurt, nor can I pretend to fully understand your suffering.  But I feel with all my heart that the storm within will pass by in its time and you will find again the things that make you like no person I have ever met.  Because you are everything that a man, a woman, can be.  You have found the secret to inner beauty, and it flowers all about you. 

You are a shining smile.   You are a friendly word when one is needed.  You are a hug for a weary traveler.  You are light; you are goodness.

Nicole, I was your teacher for two years, but I find more and more that I am actually the student and you the teacher.  Today, I paid for the rest of a lady’s groceries when she found that she didn’t have the money.  And I felt as though I were paying homage to you and Brian.  I bought flowers for friends.  It felt like the best way to honor your friendship.  Many little things I did today to bring me closer to your beauty. I hope that I can attain but a shadow of it. You shine like the sun on a crisp autumn morning. Your light brings tears to my eyes.

Dear Nicole, your gift is your link to Brian.  You both knew inner beauty and spread it like desert flowers blossoming on March mornings.  I will pray for you tonight that you may overcome your great loss. I will also pray for me tonight, that I might become more perfect, more like you.

Namaste,

Randee Dermer